want to make a doujin circle but feels difficult to find girls with shared feelings and desires. theres only really one, but feel guilty for monopolising her time...

otaku culture is long dead even as artefacts of it become more and more mainstream. niches have all been eradicated and their corpses made to puppets for others. everything is now constructed of shadows cast by something no longer there.

the neocities rss feed have been using to this point seems to not work very consistently so please replace with the new feed.

read a post that resonated recently about how this is the beginning of an information dark age. really just need to further disconnect from mainstream and exist within self-defined space. refuse to be subsumed.

thinking of adding more to this blog..

really tend to dislike having eyes on wren, which may seem counterintuitive to say on a public webpage, but the reality is its more the terror of being known and recognised. anonymity has always been the safest place for wren to exist and traditionally any past incarnations with names and followings have been severed before they could become too much to bare.

the identity that is 773tk is becoming too much... there are threads beginning to bind too tightly which are only going to be harder to overcome... however, don't feel that dissolving this identity and severing all ties again is necessarily the best path this time, so trying to navigate a path beyond what is familiar...

angels should be invisible, except for the evidence of their presence...

grateful that girl purgatoriem received a warm reception.. said that wren would take a gamedev break but am already designing new games..

also wren is now on fediverse. please follow @wren@old-home.faith. am going to maintain more substantial things here since this blog is still wren's favourite place to be.

released a new game. made with blood machine.

通勤用にイーバイク買いました。やっぱりイーバイク乗るのはキノさんになるような感じがするな… VNCUPが終わったら、来年までゲーム開発をやめます。他の趣味を充実させたい。

feels like am on the precipice of something very bad. have been playing with raspberry pi.

trying to finish VNCUP entry with blood machine. should have script final version complete by end of this week. has been a tumultuous development and will be glad to move to something else.

developed a digital garden after becoming enamoured with the idea of a complimentary space for sharing evolving information that stays relevant, contrasted to the specificity of a blog post's publication date and subject. learning to use a static site builder so that new entries and categories can be easily made was a nice experience.

have been thinking a lot about why wren creates art in the mediums it does. came from very much an 'outsider' pathway into art with no formal training, entirely self-taught, disparate and niche inspirations, and creating almost entirely in isolation until recently, so think it feels more comfortable to work in mediums like oekaki, low poly 3D, indie web design, and doujinsoft since much less pretention, no real pressure of being profitable or recognised, and a lot less competition to be intimidated by. would like to stay comfortable here.

video games are best when they are like plays where the audience and performer agree to a level of abstraction and melodrama, so normally dont play modern games, but am enjoying FF16.

spent a lot of time working on things. broader internet seems to be falling apart with dramatic speed so trying to do things for self-reliance like pushing this site to neocities through github hook and making a site for wrens alter wren' with its own email server and some other things.

also doing a bit more dev work. created a water shader, dust particles, and rain system.

found out today that wrens email provider is following the path of all miserable tech companies by drastically increasing the price of a good service while providng much less. was reminded of permacomputing which had learnt about a little time ago but really feels like something wren wants to further embrace, so going to start migrating email and other things to self hosting. freeing self from dependence on the endless growth cancer ideology and managing smaller scale sustainable computing feels necessary.

doing some more game prototype work also.

今日，大学の試験期間終わった… 疲れった…

its sad the way that due to profit incentive around streaming/youtube/'content creation' as a career that many of these creators and their fans have internalised the corporate mandates around morality or copyright and act as community police. was thinking of rpg maker and flash games from when wren was a child all using stolen music/sprites/art and having very crass/poor quality/offensive/pornographic material since were all made as essentially a hobby for fun and now has been supplanted by a career mindset in creators of needing to make something that can be sold/acceptable on a marketplace. of course even wren cant escape that sometimes, or at least dont want anyone to send it a pipebomb in the mail for a drawing it did or words it wrote so get a little anxious...

テトぐるみ欲しいな…

大学校やめたい！ゲーム作りたい！九州にバイク乗りに行きたい！一人にしたい！何もしたくない！天使の友達いると願いたい！頭の中の矛盾を解決したい！

had a new game idea so learnt to make a grass shader system...

私っていう天使が嫌いで邪魔ならほっといてほしい、いい加減別々に生きようよ…

社会不適合者だから一人にしてください…

feeling depressed lately over how everything with meaning is adopted by others, stripped of all meaning and substance and then left a vacuous aesthetic fascimile. tired of the endless sludge being spewed out without saying anything of meaning, only repeating iconography and empty words reminding you of something that once actually spoke with intention.

dont have tablet so doing DS drawings. trying to find a nice art program but flipnote is nice for now even if dont understand all the tools yet.

if a halo becomes magnetised it leads to undesired deflection of the light inside the angel. a degauss causes a magnetic field inside the halo to oscillate rapidly, opposing any external field (such as the earth). this returns the angel to its intended path.

the angel may emit a dull humm and will shake for a short period time.

testing drawings on the go with DS. want to play dragon quest 9 but no one to play with...

spent the day translating 3 chapters of a manga no one but wren cares about instead of actually productive work...

releasing things for others to see always feels deeply compromising and dont know if will ever overcome that anxiety

少しずつレベルアップって感じ…

最近、ストレスで病気になった。もうすぐ絵が描けるくらいには元気になりたい…

have been thinking a lot about search for angels in automata again lately. its inevitable to encounter artists with aspirations of recognition and fame, but this game feels like it speaks to wrens artistic aspirations. angels are hard to see when it is noisy, but stand out in quiet. angels reverse entropy of a dead configuration. angels are invisible, except for the evidence of their presence.

working on things with blood machine again. this time its a game about iesua nazarenus.

feeling mentally really unwell even if physically fine. brain is all mixed up and struggling to operate coherently. worried am going to have to cancel nanoreno entry since can barely draw... kind of scared...
最近、 DOOMのmodをたくさんプレイしました…

think am mostly recovered but not really producing good drawings since had a long break. watched the patlabor movies.
いろいろ話せる姉さんがいなくて寂しい悲しい…
基本的に私は奇人変人ですご理解ください！

returned from hospital this morning. really dislike the feeling of immobility and weakness after something like this. can't really manage making art in this state so am playing final fantasy tactics advance.

have been really really ill. am goingto the hospital and will have somewhat of a recovery. drawings have been particularly poor lately. 今月新学期始まるのですごく落ち込んでいます。 元気になりたい。

have been isolating a lot lately for various reasons. its been calming. playing visual novels and thracia 776. received a commission from a touhou artist its fond of.

made an 88x31 banner if anyone would like to link to the site

レンの家に来て一緒にDSをプレイしましょう！！

ドラクエをプレイしたいという衝動に駈られたものの、Ⅲ、Ⅳ、Ⅶ、Ⅷのどれにするか迷ってる

was sad today so made cherry tomato pasta but with toasted milk bread instead. also played nintendo DS in underwear and a dark souls tshirt.

completed website update.

have been playing a dark souls mod named 『shadow of the eclipse』. its nice to revisit a familiar game with a new experience.