the mainstream modern web and social media are these endless cacophonies of noise - a lot of it produced by bots or sockpuppet accounts or npcs that aren't even real - and everyone knows that it's poison for your soul. i don't have to reiterate the conclusions that thousands of others on neocities or elsewhere have also come to - we all know that web 2.0/web3/social media/the metaverse/whatever is mostly bereft of value and more liable to harm you than anything, even if you take precautions. i still sometimes use twitter to make and keep up with friends, but still there mostly everyone feels trapped and sick constantly - especially the angel girls - so i should be striving to separate myself as much as i can.

that's not to say i want to fight against it - i don't think it's possible or even desirable to exist inside of the mainstream and try to change the course they are on. instead i just want to live for myself and the ones who are like me. i want to exist in my own space on my own terms which i alone dictate. i think the best way to do that is to indulge in my most deranged desires and interests, while existing only in places that guarantee i will never get popular or make money off my interests.

i've seen some really wonderful ones who live this way. lately i've been following a blog of someone who just posts fanart they draw of an anime from 2008 that no one really remembers anymore, still going to this day purely out of care for this one small niche interest. i've seen the same with forums and servers still modding and playing games that are 20+ years old, blogs talking about doujin soft from the early 00s, developers creating the most esoteric games inexplicably filled with the most problematic kinks, all sorts of cool niche things that even if i'm not personally interested in i just find so endearing. everyone doing this understands how to survive on the modern web and is taking steps to exist in their own way, and i think it's so beautiful. it also is a continuation of the pre- and early-internet spirit of zines, doujin groups, etc, where artists would create what they want without care for profit or fame but instead for others who understood. i don't think it's a coincidence that the ones who live this way tend to hide their identities and are often driven off the mainstream net from harassment over how honest, strange, and challenging their expression is - because they are inherently niche and therefore not profitable.

something makes me sad is how hard it is to connect with others who understand - due to our nature. my goal is to someday create a circle for other angel girls who understand and care about the same things i do and want to create collaboratively. i'd also like to create an imageboard sometime - maybe invite only - just to regain some of the older ways of anonymous communicating.

this post ended up really rambling but i wanted to post something this month. i'm allowed to post whatever i want, this is my place. i don't even need to proof read if i don't want to!

i played through milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag... and doomsday dreamgirl while i've been really pre-occupied and they have filled me with a lot of energy to make another short vn between bigger projects. this month that's my main goal. i love you.