˚· ʚ₍•ᄋ̫•₎ɞ .⊹

ive been stuck in my head a lot lately. i try not to think too much about humanity or things like that but my misanthropy just keeps growing and growing. im really also wanting to avoid mainstream SNS more and more, it really just is designed to make me upset and most posters there are just soulless automata. for instance bridget's return to guilty gear initially made me really glad but the waves of transmisogyny in the wake of her announcement are constantly washing over me and i cant catch my breath so long as i stay on SNS. i just want to spend my time here more making games and art and talking about things i like and being a loli angel girl. im thinking of creating an imageboard for my friends just because i really miss that format and desire something without infinite scrolling and userbase, but instead small and intimate in its scope and demographic.

in the theme of looking backwards to imageboards - today is the 20th anniversary of comiket 62. happy birthday! comiket 62 marked the release of touhou embodiment of the scarlet devil and higurashi no naku koro ni onikakushi-hen which have become two of the most iconic and enduring solodev games of all time. its hard to really imagine a world without either of these games, whether as a fan, an angel girl, or as a creator of small games. the influence and inspiration is felt so deeply inside me and so many others that it cant really be separated from anything that is released today. its hard to put the innumerable thoughts and feelings that these two games generate into words, let alone the longing for the context of their release, but its probably not really possible to understand from the outside anyway.

remilia and flandre scarlet

everything is now so commercialised, so alienated, so lost in a sea of noise, that it doesnt really feel like the world these two games were born from really exists anymore. i was talking earlier with friends about how disposable everything feels in this era with the explosion, commercialisation, and appification of the internet, where everything has a lifespan of 6 minutes and is forgotten as soon as it is born. compared to that it seems impossible for something as long-lasting and culturally impactful as eosd or higurashi to ever be made. i dont really care for fame or success - i make my art for my sake alone - but there is a deep longing inside me for art to exist less impermanently. perhaps this is one reason i gravitate to retro games, films, literature, etc, so much - the embers of their lifespan still burn into the present day, providing warmth and hinting at the great blazes that they were, while their modern counterparts are like singular burning flashes that are extinguished as quickly as they ignited. this is nothing to say of the lost intimacy of receiving a solodev's game on a burnt cd in a jewel case from their table at a physical merch table at a convention, compared to your eyes glazing over while peering at the sea of square icons representing games on a digital marketplaces. i dont really think this is possible to fight against in any real way, but i do hope at least its possible to develop community through places like neocities and other non-traditional SNS that appreciates what once existed and try to turn away from what is forced in front of us.

i dont want to be so negative, and its important to remember the good things that still exist. eosd's greatest legacy must surely be the deluge of fan created music, artwork, stories, and games that came in its wake, and there are many great things still being created. lately ive been fixated on artificial dream in arcadia, a touhou dungeon crawler fangame by way of megami tensei. its still just a demo but i am enamoured with this game and cannot wait for the full version to release. i pray that this spirit of creation never stops no matter what we face.

artificial dream in arcadia [pc]