have been incredibly ill lately, both mentally and otherwise. actually may be life threatening, and have been spending lot of time between doctors and specialists. can be scary to think of the end of life and stressful to deal with the raging storm of things, but at least gives chance to reflect and consider.

medicine is something that changes one's state, but truthfully we are always angels in flux. it feels as if our surroundings change around us while we stand still, but in reality we are shifting too and the girl you see staring back after everything may not be one you recognise. this isn't a bad thing at all, and fighting against it is unhealthy, but it is something to be conscious of. when facing death one feels inclined to revisit past experiences and may feel regret or wish she had made different choices, but its actually worth celebrating they helped lead to who you became and that those choices were probably correct at the time. have thought of friends who fell away from and realised its not a tragedy that events played out that way, but simply the ebb and flow of life.

creation remains the most healing act for this one. have tried to make efforts to draw at least an hour a day if possible, although of course this has often been interrupted by emotional circumstances or otherwise. am creating a new game with sis and blood machine which will display soon, and working on few private projects it would like to complete. also have wanted little space for visual artefacts like screenshots of games, anime, films, excerpts from books, etc, so have created little visual fansite that can be viewed here. want webdev to feel more freeing and arbitrary, think its nice to create very indulgent things like this.

will continue to post and create after health of this angel is secured.